How this mom of 3 went from 200 lbs to swimsuit and obstacle course competitor
As many of you know, I competed in Trifitness this past weekend. This one was a lifechanger. It was so good in so many ways and also a real reality check for me. I placed 1st place in my age group and 15th overall on the course and overall 13th for all of Trifitness. This is out of
over 150 competitors and no easy feat. At to that I took on my first fitness routine. I have grown leaps and bounds and to do everything I did this weekend was beyond where I ever thought I would be in just three years of competing in Trifitness. Although I should have been elated, I beat myself up because I didn’t place in some aspects of the competition and my course time was not as fast as I wanted it to be.
When I was heavier so many parts of my life were so much easier. I was far less critical of myself at 200 lbs then I am now at 139 lbs. The first time I ever ran the obstacle course it probably took me 3 minutes (although it felt like 20) and I literally thought I would die at the end, and now I have run it in as little as 55 seconds. The problem is that we easily forget where we came from and the harder you press towards bigger and bigger goals the harder you are on yourself when you don’t achieve them.
When your overweight all you ever think is, if I could just get a handle on this weight, everything else will fall into place. All my problems will be solved. Problems are still the problems and weight is only the smallest part of it and doesn’t fix them.
Don’t get me wrong, losing weight has been such a blessing in my life and in so many ways and has opened me up to whole new world I never would have known. Let’s face it, when you look good, you feel good, which creates confidence, which spills over into every area of your life.
What I realized after competing this weekend is that although I’ve been an inspiration to some, I’ve struggled with that role. In the beginning when I went on stage, it was to “say I did it”, but believe it or not, when you are preparing to go on stage, you have to feel like a winner, or you will never have the confidence to do it. Every time I have stepped on stage, in my heart, I believed I had a shot. Looking back now on it, it is obvious I wasn’t winning anything. The world doesn’t understand, but people who compete and in the fitness industry do. I would always finish a competition with people asking, “did you win?”. Of course I didn’t win. But people who are on the outside just think you must have because you look like a winner.
As time has gone by, I have gotten better every show, but have finally faced the reality that I may never win a show. That’s a harsh reality for someone who wants to believe they can win and has come so far.
To win, I would need to focus and dedicate myself 110% to the sport, make all the sacrifices it takes to win, get to a certain weight and body fat percentage and work my butt off to do it. Even then I still may not win because that set of judges wasn’t looking for the girl who has brown hair instead of blond, or is too short, or too tall for their taste.
The reality of my life is that I am a single mom, with three children, a full time job, complete chaos in my life every day, and on top of that, if I’m being truly honest with myself, LOVE my ADD in fitness. Doing an ultramarathon one week, a crossfit competition the next, and a swimsuit competition the next makes me happy. What doesn’t make me happy is not winning. So it leaves me with a bit of a conundrum. Do you keep doing shows when you have the desire to win but have so many obstacles as well as your own ADD to contend with? Do you keep going, focus 110% on getting to whatever the “best” is, and still step on stage and run the risk of not winning? or do you walk away?
No one believes me when I say that I’m done with swimsuit competitions, but finally being in a healthy place in my life, makes me realize that although I love the stage, swimsuit competitions is the only time I end up feeling really bad about myself. Who wants to work so hard to feel bad about themselves??
I also know that these competitions (in my mind) are the only thing that has made me feel like I can keep control over my weight as knowing you have to grace a stage gives me a level of discipline that assures me that I won’t let myself spiral out of control and back to an unhealthy place again.
I will do Universe in Miami next month because I set out to do it, its on my vision board for 2013 and when I say I’m going to do something in my mind, I have to do it. I will bring MY very best to it. Other than Trifitness, Universe is just one of those shows that even if I don’t win, it is so fun and truly does make me happy. As the end this chapter of my journey is upon me, I will be preparing for this show with the help of the man who changed my life when I was just 19 years old and knew nothing about fitness, has seen me through a marriage, kids, a divorce and has quietly been my biggest supporter the whole time, Ty Pena. It will be the right way, the healthy way, with good old hard work, good nutrition and Isagenix.
After that my goal will be to be the best mom I can be, help others and slow down long enough to enjoy life a little and think about what’s next.
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